The healing process is an amazing thing! When your basic self has been repressed for more years than you can count and you are finally free of the source of the repression (whether internal or external), you find yourself in wonder when new aspects begin to emerge.
Daniel has patiently stood by me as I have muddled my way through this process, always offering his full support and comfort (when needed). That’s not to say that I still don’t have my low moments, either triggered by a dream or a scene in a movie, where the pain feels fresh and confusing. Those moments are just fewer and further between….and I tend to bounce back a bit faster. I have learned to redirect those pangs into motivation to build myself back up.
Early on I understood that a big part of my healing process was going to be re-connecting with who I was at a fundamental level. It emerged not only as a stronger will and determination, but as rediscovering old passions. I expanded my love for cooking. I took up cross-stitch again (although I’m still just as lazy about it). I listened to music that I wanted to listen to (I’m currently saturating myself in modern classical and Celtic) and Daniel helped me to catch up on shows that I wanted to watch. Through Facebook, I was able to reconnect in a small way with people I had once been friends with. I began to read again (that one was huge)!
The first two years in a new life were a bit of a rollercoaster. As my emotions worked on finding stable ground, I was also going through some hormonal issues and using natural methods to work on balancing them (ah – middle age). I was blessed to have someone to stand by me through the nitty-gritty parts of it.
About six months ago, two things happened. First, I began to find balance in the healing. As I mentioned before, things didn’t remind me of the pain as often. I started to find comfort in my own skin. Then secondly, I began to move forward with all those years of progression in self-discovery that I had missed, along with continuing to reconnect with old loves! That is how Cactus Flower Naturals was born. I found that I really enjoyed creating simple skin care products. That was in February.
For several months, the shop has been growing slow but steady and the learning process of essential oils, butters, carrier oils, as well as SEO and social networking has been more than enough to keep me busy. But something has been happening. It’s been slow, and maybe until recently, nobody could see the changes but me.
It started in April or May when we began a (somewhat) regular workout schedule. Working out led to healthier eating. Imagine that! Healthier eating made me start thinking more about my health and my innate passion for natural products. I decided that I wanted to independently study herbology, as I already dabble in it and make some of my own supplements. While I can’t see myself working as an actual herbalist, it would make a very beneficial addition to my work with Cactus Flower Naturals.
My endeavors haven’t stopped there, either. On the minor side of things, my workouts have recently progressed into HIIT (high intensity interval training) on the treadmill. For someone who hates running, this is a pretty big step. The funny thing is, I’m really enjoying it! What’s wrong with me?!
I’ve been adding new products to my shop….with more on the way. I’m eagerly branching out into new methods and processes….looking at natural colorants and soaps. Plus, I’m looking at an endeavor entirely different than Cactus Flower Naturals….but I’m not entirely ready to share that one yet! However, I am eager to receive all of my supplies so I can play!
As I said, the healing process is an amazing thing when you let it do what it needs to do and don’t try to hold and grasp on to the past hurts. Really, in the grand scheme of things, what benefit is there in clinging to them? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel and process the emotions. Lord knows I still do….and it heals me a bit more each time when I allow myself to feel those emotions. Rather, focus on the blessings.
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
~Lewis B Smedes